On babies and body fluids....

So the munchkin has been a bit poorly. A rattling chesty cough that sounds as though she sneaks out of nursery every so often for a quick fag. That's a little disturbing, especially as it gets worse when she lies down, so it develops into full "wake up mummy and daddy" mode by about 2am. Oh Lordy! Then a new wrinkle; the cough induced vomit. How can such a small little girl hold so much vomit? Cough, cough, cough, blurgh, blurgh, blurgh, that must be it, blurgh, blurgh....

I wouldn't mind, but that's even when we've been responsible for what exactly she's been eating. Unless she's been calling out for pizza behind our back. "Double pepperoni and cheese please. Put it on the account, and post it through the letter box. Doesn't need to be hot; I'm just using it for decoration later." whoever wrote the vomit scene in "The Exorcist" had children, that's for sure.

Wifey is back at work; there was a little separation anxiety when the munchkin spent her first full day at nursery, but wifey's OK now. I've rented a little office. Well, I say "rented" but there's a special "six month's free" deal for new businesses. It gets me out of the house, and forces me to sit down and work. And update my blog. Well, it doesn't force me to update my blog. But it does give me the opportunity. And for the first time in my months I'm now able to identify another object of inappropriate lust: Mrs. Wottinger. Sadly, no photos available. Just take my word for it...

On Porridge and its use as a Cosmetic

So my business is now up and running. Sort of. Well, I have an office, and have been networking successfully. That is, I haven't got into any fights, or spilled too much food over myself. I've even been enjoying myself, despite being an engineer forced to talk to people. I do have a tendency to concentrate on the interesting people, rather than the useful ones. I'm sure I spent far too long talking to the sign language interpreter, and not enough to the business consultant.
I have now learnt that the sign of a good networking breakfast is you leave still hungry. This was a hard lesson, and one I'm still not happy with. I am sorely tempted to "minesweep" bacon at the end of the events.
I have not put all my eggs (scrambled, poached or fried) into the entrepreneurial basket, and am still applying for the odd job. Well, not literally "odd jobbing." Anyone who has seen my attempts at DIY would know how wrong that would be.
Mind you, I have now put up the stairgates. Which caused many, many comments from me based on a witty interpretation of them as "Stargates." Ho, ho. How I laughed. Until wifey requested, through gritted teeth, that I desist as apparently what had been mildly amusing the first few times was now, some three hundred times later, starting to grate. ("Stairgrate" I thought. But kept my mouth closed.)
After a week she then made a comment about "going through the stairgate" complete with "whooshing" noise. I kept quiet.
The munchkin has decided that at eight months she is old enough to feed herself. or at least, pick up food and smoosh it into her face and hair, flinging the rest of it around the room. I think some goes in her mouth. At least, it shows up later in her nappy, although this may be through osmosis. Whatever the cause, it's clear that mummy or daddy attempting to spoon feed her is certainly not what she wants. Now we're both at work (in my case I guess that could be qualified with "sort of") she's at nursery. We do miss her sticky little face - a photo just doesn't have the tacky, slimy, viscous feel of a real toothing, weaning baby somehow.

It's Been Quiet

Things I've Done Over the Past Few Weeks:

• Spent a lot of time with munchkin, who is now using pureed food as baby cosmetic, clambering up furniture, and practicing her tumbling.
• Helped out at Birmingham ArtsFest; the UK's largest (and most under-reported) free arts festival. Absolutely fantastic.
• Sent out lots of job applications.
• Had a few interviews, including getting down to the last four on one occassion. Being told by the head-hunter that in her view I'd been turned down by the person to whom the post reported because he felt insecure was a little dispiriting. What am I supposed to do at an interview - try and be good, but not too good?
• Started to set up my own business. Lots of interest, and some quotes out. Now just need someone to sign on the dotted line and be my first customer!

It's a Funny Old World

So life settles into a new routine. Mornings are my "job-hunting" time - looking for a job should be regarded as a job in itself. One that you can do in your underwear, admittedly, but a job nonetheless. So as wifey takes munchkin out on various mums and baby activities (rythm time, baby yoga, opera for rug rats), daddy scours the internet for opportunities (avoiding the time suck of facebook, cartoons and, ahem, blogging) or, more usefully, calls up former colleagues and sets up "networking opportunities." The flood of rejections has been tempered by a few more positive responses, although that in itself has led to some searching questions from recruiters. Chiefly along the lines of "Would you really be willing to move to Snodgrass-on-Swamp?" After a pause, my honest response of "it depends" generally hasn't led to whoops of joy from the other end. Part of the problem is that beloved wifey is a brainy bird (could I ever fall for any woman who wasn't?) and, after her maternity leave ends, she has a high flying job to go back to. Upping sticks and heading off for the sake of hubby's job (yet again) is possible, but needs to be made financially worthwhile. Even in the 21st century the notion of wifey actually being a significant wage earner (actually at the moment the only wage earner) seems bizarrely foreign to some recruiters, who appear to have themselves been recruited from the 19th century, and are willing to tout the opportunities in Snodgrass-on-Swamp for those gentlewomen willing to help furnish the shelves at the local comestible emporium of Messers Sainsbury. Catching a cold hasn't helped my mood. Probably due to spending too much time in just my underwear.

I have had one interview, for which I did actually put on clothes over the underwear. I think both sides of the table had some serious questions. Theirs along the lines of "Will I catch anything from his coughing"; mine along the lines of "Would we really move to 'Mittenham-in-Minefield'?"

Still, the afternoons allow me to put those frustrations behind me, and to rejoice in the company of munchkin and wifey - a chance that I could have missed out on. As the smaller one of the pair seems to be changing daily, I have to admit that in many ways I'm very lucky. I could have missed out on seeing an awful lot of her emergence from a sort of eating/sleeping/weeing/pooping machine into a fully fledged personality. It's been fun showing her off as well; we made the trek down to my old college for a reunion. Feeding my baby daughter in the sunshine sat on its lawn, twenty-two years after I left, was a very strange, but oddly satisfying experience. Changing her poopy nappy in front of the library perhaps less so.

In the interim I've been volunteering for things. I may yet be seen at "Imagineering", but all the plum posts at Birmingham Arts Fest seem to have already gone to the arts crowd; no room for engineers in anything other than crowd control!

If anyone has any ideas for an ex-engineer, slightly soiled, do let me know!

Over the past week I have....

• Been swimming with the munchkin
• Attended "mum and baby" groups
• Done "RythmTime" and sung to her - much to her surprise
• Got up at 7 am rather than 5.40 am.
• Put her to bed at 7 pm rather than 8 pm.
• Had lots of baby smiles.

Basically, currently the lifestyle is great, but the income is a bit of a problem...

Good Thing, Bad Thing

Good Thing: I've been able to spend lots of time with the munchkin and dear wifey.

Bad Thing: That's because I'm now jobless.

Bugger!

Harry Potter and the Curse of Windows

News just in: Microsoft Patents 'Magic Wand'

"... The corners of Voldemort's mouth curled upwards in a cruel approximation of a smile, and the snake-like eyes opened wide in satisfaction.
"So, Potter," he hissed, "at last. It ends here."
He raised his wand. "Crucio!"
A low metallic note echoed in the empty hall, and ended in a low chunk.
"I said CRUCIO!"
A small grey box hovered over the Dark Lord's outstretched wand. He bent down and, squinting, read the poorly typeset thin black text.
"Microsoft Wand is running low on virtual memory. You may experience some problems implementing hideous curses. Please consider shutting down earlier curses before starting new ones."